your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
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She's the barista slut.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting