loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."