If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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