And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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