We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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