i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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