Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just made my gag reflex go away.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
