She is in my trunk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
