I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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