We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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