90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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