id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
