thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
