so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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