they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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