Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
