cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You ate ashes out of my bong
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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