I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
