i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
