I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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