I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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