none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
