I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
