is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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