mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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