my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
