At least make sure they are 18
Why
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
