Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
