my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
