Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
