Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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