we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
