we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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