I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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