Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
