If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize