i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
