Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
why is half of my head shaved?
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