if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
