im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
