Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
