Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize