pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
