FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
