Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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