He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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