I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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