Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
