the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
