walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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