Swine flu. Run for my life!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
