So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
