if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
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