You don't have asthma, your pregnant
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
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After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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