Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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