PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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