I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
